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So, once in a while, someone like me TOO want to talk about love. Long long time a go, there was a boy. It was a time when I doesn’t understand things like being in form of lover. We were really close, he knew how worst I could be. I know how worst he could be. We were a perfect sample of a great friendship.

It was so comfortable, so I feel like finally I have someone who wouldn’t laugh at me. No matter how silly I could be. No matter how lame I could be. We just meant to each other.. So it’s school things, we go through different direction. He walk on his way, and I did the same.

So after years go by, I get to met him again. Somehow I feel bad when I knew that he has a girlfriend already. I though that was love, later on I realize that it was just me being possessive. I just don’t want to share him with other. But it’s not like I held any romantic feeling toward him.

So in short, we manage to communicate well, just like we used to. We started to go out, I break him, but he keep coming. No matter what happen. He just (maybe) completely fall for me. But it’s just not like other where you got all excited with your boy. It’s just a friendship love that I have. I twisted him around several times. I play a bad guy, being the reason for him to break his current relationship with whoever she is.

That’s how things work, until I guess he finally got tired. He never text me, never call me, never did he reply any single text that I send him. And I know my place so I guess, lets stop messing him. It’s a bit lonely you know. However he is my best friend, 😆

I guess he already tired of waiting for me. Well of course, it’s almost 7 years waiting. I can’t expect more. Despite of it wasn’t a great lovey-dovey for me. Still he is the one who know me the best. He, one day tell me: “you really are like a butterfly. When I try to caught you, you flew away. But when I stay still, didn’t make any move, you will come to my hand”.

I guess he is very right. And I know it’s hard for him to stay that way all the time. So even when he avoid me, it’s for the best. I should let him free. But, it’s just a bit lonely.

He tell me that i can fall in love, i can trust other. But never once did I listen to him.
He tell me that he believe no matter what he will wait for me. But I laugh at him.
I said that LOVE just doesn’t exist.
I said that TRUST have died long time ago.
I said that don’t love me too much, he’ll and up hurting.

So now I sincerely let him go and stop messing around and forget to mess him. He is no longer my play thing. But, sometimes it’s just a bit lonely.

I tell him, love and trust betray me, and they are some precious people to me, and they were some very-close-to-me people.. They are my family. If I can’t earn their love, how could I earn love from a complete stranger named friend? This is how I always thinking up until now.

And I never dare to open the door.

But there was a man. A cruel man, who two times me. It was all tears, I love him, I cheer him, I listen to him, I look at him, I care about him, it’s just all about him. But he just playing with me. I guess I got an even payback after all the playing stuff that I did with boys before him. But it’s just sad, never once he makes me happy. It’s just me who trying so much. And he wasn’t that cool, smart or rich man. He just a stupid brat with a bunch of problem. He just need someone where he can try. He doesn’t care about my feeling even just a tiny of it. It’s hurt. So I don’t want to fall in love anymore.

I said this thousand times, it’s just me being coward. I afraid of hurt more than other. Include being hurt because of love. But sometimes I dream about how great a world of when you were in love. it’s a mesmerizing world! But, never once did I have a gut to step into that world.

And I chose to be a silence viewer, when all my best friend got excited about love. Being depress, sometimes all happy, they were so cute. It’s a bliss to see them like that. But sometimes, just sometimes, I feel a bit lonely, to a point where I almost cry..