Talk about fairytale, talk about princess.
Talk about princess, talk about romance.
Talk about romance? Happily ever after stuff and of course love us involved

Ah, just a few minutes ago I was reading some manga (comic) about princess and love. Yeah, it’s a lame story but I do not have other stuff to read so it’s better than nothing. Suddenly, a memory pop out and I can’t help but laugh.

Question, when was the first time you ever confessed or being confessed by someone?

Mine was at my first year of elementary school

Haha! I know, cute huh? And the hilarious part is that I was mad at him for falling in love at me. If my memory serve me right, his name was Muaz. To think that a boy that age has enough courage to say it out, isn’t it really brave of him? And when I was angry at him because I feel like he is making fun of me, he ask me sincerely: “Is it wrong to fall in love with you?“. Haha, if he did grown up as great as he used to be then he must be one hell of a perfect man any woman would dream of. Spontaneous, courageous, sincere, and really honest. Where could you find such a man?

And, on my third year of elementary school, there was these 2 beauty (even I admire their beauty) getting angry at me. Wonder the reason why? Well, there is this boy, his name was Iwan and he is the most perfect boy in our class. For those who do not know the education system where I studied before, I’ll tell you before hand that each year have like 7 class. That class shows your qualification from the smartest to the dumbest. I strangely had always been at the smartest class, so did this boy, so did these 2 beauty.

So Iwan, was really handsome (I have to admit it), and smart, and well he look perfect but I was not that close to him so I have no idea about his personality. On the other hand, I was a genius for I was the only one who passed the test to skip a year from 3rd year to 5th year. I was a creative girl who makes cute things but that was so I could earn some money. If it was the brain, I was undoubtedly stand out in the crowd, but when beauty is in the question I was definitely average (cute, but average).

These beauty was named Intan and Maidzatul, they might not as smart as me but they were totally beautiful and rich! Totally seems like a princess~~~ For some unknown weird reason they came to me and gave me some warning not to get close to Iwan, maybe they both are his girl (I have no idea why would they both acted like they deserve to be near him and I don’t) -____-

They tell me not to get close him, to stop seducing (?) him. And I was lost for a moment trying to figure out what the hell was happening. It was hilarious now that I think about it. Ahaha. What happened next, I don’t quite remember, maybe I was saying that they are spouting nonsense since I am not even close enough to him. Could it be that someone was spreading some rumor that he liked me? Hah! Like that would ever happened.

Anyway, I was cute and feminine. I loved helping my neighbor making cakes and cookies. I loved to sew and make clothes for my doll. I loved to make flower from straw and anything I could have. I liked to wear dress and look like a princess. I especially loved to wear a high heels. And every time my mom took away some beads on the fabric she was going to sew (since it gets in the way), I will make sure to collect it. I turned it into some pretty jewelery and sold it at school. I also have this weak body complex that might make someone want to protect me.

See? I was worth of being loved.

If there are lessons that I get after being separated from my mom that would be I would not let my kid to bear the loneliness and all those bad days without a hand to ease them. The way I am now, I am not that worth of being loved..

Even when I do feel like I want to be able to bake, it’s kind of too late to learn. And having wrong friend turned me even boyish. Well, they laugh it me whenever I look girly without knowing that being girly is being me. I no longer get to made some craft or flower, I am definitely not as cheerful as I used to. I wish that I could hypnotize my self to forget all that unpleasant things and spend my day without fears.

To think that I was that nice, made me really want to turn back the time and protect the little me from becoming the way I am now. But what done can’t be undone, things that have been broken can never be the same even when you fix it. Maybe I’ll just wait my prince to free that sweet me from this dark and full of fear castle I’ve build. May god grant my wish to be the happy me as I used to, with a worthy man who will love me in my sweet and bitter personality.

I know fairytale never happen, happily ever after never exist. Even as a child I find that story was so lame, but for what it worth I’d like to dream about it. Nothing harm about dreaming of nice things. Hope that I can quickly stop torturing my self and fly free with my pretty wings.

Speaking of wing I have always think that I have a pair of unique wings. One that is completely black and white with its beautiful shade, and one with a colorful shade like a rainbow. The colorful one is yet to fully grown, so flying will have to wait. Until then, I’ll try to play some more with this ground since soon I’ll leave it.

Oh god, may thy blesses me with the beauty of faith and heart, the beauty in the way I speak and act, the beauty of body and soul. Please let me be the loveliest creature you’ve ever made so when the time comes, when the time comes, please bestowed me with the best man who deserve me for who I really am

.. If prince never exist, then could you just make one for me dear God? I’ll try not to love him more than I love you, hehee..