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Who doesn’t ever experience dream in his sleep? None. But if only those dream are a nice one, that would be great wouldn’t it? Before you continue, I’d like to warn you that this is going to be one of those unnecessarily-long-post, so read it only if you do have THAT much of spare time, okay? 🙂

Nightmares

Well, I’d like to tell about my dream and I will start with a bad one or a.k.a nightmare. HAHAHAHA. *hide under blanket*. There are a few typical nightmare I had and it’s mostly these 2 theme: surviving, fear.

Ghost.
This are nightmares that I experienced countless time that I lost the count. I dream about meeting ghost since I can remember and mother started to force me memories some prayer (verses in holy Quran) so I can stop having those dream. At that time I cried almost every night. Good thing I was sleeping with my parent so whenever I started to cry they will wake pat my head and say: “It’s okay, it’s okay.. It’s just a dream”.

Well, I still have one of those dream once in a while but it’s not as scary as it used to be I guess.. Maybe I already used to it. But no, I do not enjoy watching horror movies which will resulted in me dreaming about it at night. LOL.

Emotion : Cry
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This is one of the most annoying one, dream that makes me cry. Sometimes it’s explainable but sometimes it just weird. When I was small, it used to be a dream of my parent dying. And then I grew up, such dream doesn’t hurt me anymore. So I started to dream about my past experience, the painful one. It’s annoying how you want to move on yet when you try so hard to forgive and to forget, you can’t stop your brain from showing such a movie of how pitiful your life used to be.

I also dream about stuff like being hated, being abandoned by my parent. Even if it is not real, it’s still painful. Maybe since unconsciously believe that to them I am nothing more than a disappointment I keep having such a dream. I hate it. *cry

Sometimes I dream about losing someone precious (which in my dream is a total stranger), or being left behind, or being abandoned, and I will wake up full of tears screaming: “NO!!!”. Thank god this dream doesn’t occurs that much since it’s really is an embarrassing way to wake up.

Fear and Survival

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And this one is the mos tiring one, emotionally. To be honest I never watch those movies like serial murderer or those which contains scene where blood splatter everywhere. So I question my brain how? just how did it create such images in my dream.

Survival dream used to be about me running around in a tall building, hiding in elevator and under stairs, climbing and hiding somewhere unseen. It’s not that scary. But then, as I started my study in uni, I started to have these dream. And I can’t say just how tired I am to see such a dream.

Sometimes it’s about me being cornered and if I do not fight back, I’ll die. So I started moving around, and there it goes, as I started fighting back, their blood splatter and I can see their hatred in their eyes as life started to leave. I can’t forget those eyes! Or when I have to save people who are dying around me for whatever the reason could be and i can never save all of them. It’s tiring not to be able to forget the faces of those whom I fail to save. It’s sickening!

Or dreaming where I go into a deep forest all alone and get lost there. The scene is always the same, such forest with a really tall trees so even sun light can’t peek inside. It’s terrifying to be alone in a place I’m totally unfamiliar with. And it’s funny to be feel scared when dreaming more than when I wake up.

Lucid Dream

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I recently realize that this phenomenon is called lucid dream. Sadly in my case, it’s always occurs as a bad dream. I have no idea whether we can always control our dream in such state, but for me, controlling dream can only happen in recurrence dream.

The worse part about this dream is, we knew that this painful scene is only a dream, yet we can’t wake up. I desperately say to myself: “This is just a dream, stop! stop! Wake up!”. But well, I don’t know is it my brain that is not kind enough to stop he dream or is it my body being cruel enough refusing to wake up. This is one of those feeling that left a lingering feels of regret and despair even after I wake up.

Recurring Dream

A recurring dream is a dream which is experienced repeatedly over a long period. These dreams can be pleasant or nightmares and can be very unique to the person and their experiences. Much research has been done to try and find the connection between recurring dreams and their underlying values. There is some functional value appeared to be associated with recurring dreams as an attemept to resolve emotional preoccupations. Another finding represents recurring dreams as a rehearsal of threat perception and avoidance. Threatening elements are often present in recurring dreams, as well as them occurring in stressful periods of ones life. They can often times relate to psychological well being and can reflect current concerns a person may be going through. (Wikipedia).

Again, just my luck, recurring dream mostly are nightmares. I’ll be aware of it and since I hate how it usually ends, somehow I will change it. I’ll make a change bit by bit (which I regret) and sadly only lead me to an even worst ending. Sometimes I can’t change it and I will try to scream to the me (in my dream) to stop or not doing those action which will cause me a great deal. But bad dreams really loves me, every effort seems to be in vain. If he says bad dream, then bad dreams I shall see. Every resistance is futile. *sigh*

Good (but might be Bad) Dream

Well, for this dream it’s typical. To see what I miss, to feel what I can’t feel. Well like for now, I dream about my mother talking to me which makes me realize right away that I was dreaming since this is just too good to be true. But mostly this dream would be about my ex.

Well, I am a really lonely person that I am afraid of a hug. The first time a friend hugs me, I end up crying like a little kid since it was really warm and comfortable. But after that I get so scared of a hug. It’s too much for me, *laugh*. I usually have this kind of dream when I was emotionally tired. Like when there was too much stress, too much of painful treatment, too much of hiding tears. We can say that this dream will stimulate me to get relax.

And I have needs to feel others warmth, even though as a moslem I can’t touch a man who is not my family or husband. There is this ex which has the longest history together with me. And to me did was a good shelter.

In my need, he will come to my dream and we will do simple things like just having a talk, or a light kiss on my cheek, or holding hands while walking together, or just letting him to hug me. Rather than sexual lust, it’s more to comfort feeling. And when I wake up, I’ll feel all refresh. THIS is the good part.

The BAD part is, how can I say it. Sometimes it left me with a complicated feeling. It feels like I have no choice but to be with him since he is the one I feel comfortable the most with. And both of us like to fooling around so to be together would only be tiring for both of us. Maybe it just because I haven’t find the right man to fall in love with. And before you ask, no, I didn’t love him, I feel comfortable around him, but I do not desire more than that.

You know, I want a man that is superior to me, so he is naturally dominant. Someone who can dominate me yet do not look down on me. Someone who have what it takes to tease me as a hobby yet never stop to appreciate me. Someone who have what it takes to makes me talk about things that I hide and to cry tears that I’ve hide. Someone who isn’t suppose to be perfect yet willing to let me see him as one since I love him that much. And ofcourse for him to love me perfectly until death do us apart. Someone who can makes me willingly stop to pretend and hide. I knew it’s a difficult request but I need that kind of man, what can I do? Yet all of my ex are the exact opposite *sad*.

Good Dreams

Well, not much about this one since I rarely experience it. It’s might be a dream of being at home or talking to my parents. And when things at home are messed up, I’ll dream about having an older brother who will takes me out and we will have fun doing things that would give me an adrenalin rush. The latter dream is a recurring dream and only happen three times so far.. Ah, I wish I have this dream more, it’s nice to experience getting love from an older brother (that I never have). haha

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