I have nothing to keep me busy so would you please, please give me anything to do?
keep me busy so I never realize how much I yearn for love.
I want love, I want to be love, love me.
isnt there a single person who love me?

Well if there is one, why can’t I feel it?
Not from friend, not from exs, not from lover, not even from parent.
Do I not deserve to be love?
Love me anyone?
I’m tired of trying to be loved.

Even in dream, I try my hardest to chase you, mom, dad.
While I was running with all my might, with all those heavy stuff at my back, you and dad was having a good time going who knows where on ur motorcycle. I keep on running even when I’m running out of breath. But never once did you look back. It just a dream, yet it hurts so much.

I am sad and angry, yet I cant hate you the way you did. No matter how piercing your gaze, I still keep on looking hoping there is love somewhere inside. But I cant find it. And in each attempt I kill myself. You hate me. How can I make you happy when the very sight of me drive you mad, mom?

Here I am trying so hard to stop thinking that my death might be the only thing that will make you hapy. Here I am trying so hard to resist the charm of the death itself.
But you never care right?
God, take me away.. please?
Or maybe you hate me enough too so you wouldnt want me to be by your side, god?
Ah.. this is just confusing.
No one want me, and it seems that You dont want me either. Is there a place where I can be so everyone will be happy?

My head is hurting a lot lately and things are just spinning around. It might be  just some sign of low blood pressure, but there’s a part of me that hoping this would be an illness, bad enough that there’s no way to cure, bad enough so I can count my days..
please forgive me for hoping my body to destroy god..