Why magnolia? It’s the word that I heard so much in my dream that I can’t forget. Spare me.. *sigh

I have favorite flower, everyone have. Mine is half bloom lotus that looks like rose, or if it has to be rose, I prefer Old-English rose. I’ll show you how it looks:

But in my dream, I was at my uni and my class is right above the garden. So whenever the flower bloom, we got the best view. I even got to smell the fragrance of these favorite flower of mine.

And in this dream, all of my female friend know that I really love a rose that we call “magnolia“. So whenever they see me they’ll shout all excited: “Fitri! Magnolia! Magnolia is blooming! your favorite Magnolia!”. That is why I keep on listening teh word magnolia in my dream because my friend shout the same sentence to me like every 10 sec.

So.. is this magnolia?

I google it a few minutes ago and I conclude that this is nothing like magnolia. The closest pic of magnolia that have more similarities with the flower in my dream is this:

which is small and it’s color is too much for the eyes.

What I saw in my dream is a huge rose, it’s almost as big as my…punch? It looks like a lotus yet to bloom and somehow really look like Old-English Rose. Anyway, thanks to this dream I got to feast my eyes with lot of beautiful pic of roses! (especially you tease~~ yes, you! my cute baby pink colored Old English Rose bouquet *kiss)

Since it’s and old tradition in my family to look into dream and try to find the meaning in each of it, I took the liberty of trying to find the meaning of Magnolia flower. Well, according to this site, it means love of nature. I dunno if it suits me, but my mom does find my pity to nature quite annoying. Say like when you clean your garden and find a snail which will harm your plant? I will always look so sad when my mom tried to kill it that she can’t bear to see my eyes and end up putting those snail away while saying: “how can you pity it? It harm my plants!”. But.. but.. I even find it hard to kill a mosquitoes.. I don’t kill insect, and I play with those snail when I was young.. 😥

So, that’s it for magnolia

Too Kind

This is another part of the dream. In this dream I was running, which is good, why? It’s not a secret that I’ve never be able to run in my dream since I was small. But starting the third year of my college study, I get to dream of running once. I rarely get to have a dream where I can run but nowadays (these few weeks) I dream about running a lot.

But there’s two side of coin. While it’s good to be capable of something that you can’t do before, running it’s self could be the symbol of fear, coward, unable to face reality. As for me, while believing that my dream could mean both, I prefer to believe that it’s more to the side where I get to do what I used to not be able to do.

In this dream, I was having a walk with my coworker, running at the morning let say. It was a beautiful road in the middle of forest and it looks like it was raining last night. I can see the morning dew, I can smell the fresh air. It was all perfect until suddenly I catch a sight that I am really familiar with. what would it be? my ex. Thaaaat totally ruin my mood. I don’t wanna meet him, I don’t wanna see him, please don’t let him see me.

His shirt was wet, and he was wearing a white shirt. I can see tattoos at his shoulder that look so beautiful. Ah, I like his frame, especially when he is running like that. (fyi, in real life he is not that great plus he has no tattoos). The problem is, he is running really slow. So I whisper to my friend, Tria, “Let’s run faster. My ex is right in front of me. I don’t wanna take the risk of him looking behind and see me”. Tria give me an okay so I just go ahead and run. I run and suddenly heard Tria scream for help.

Ignore it. Ignore it.
…Ignore.. it..!
I can’t!
So I turn back, let my ex see my face and run back to my friend. Great. She was screaming because she doesn’t want to be left alone. And here I was thinking that she was in danger. Never mind, he saw me already, so I slow my pace and start running slowly Tria wont be left behind. We keep on running together until we decide to take a different route.

Right when I left alone, the scene change. I saw my ex is no longer running, he is holding an old woman’s hand who seems to have trouble walking. I decided to just walk and watch. But then I realize, my ex is having trouble to walk himself. I am fighting inside. Ignore it, ignore it, do not feel pity. and… I can’t! I can’t ignore this sight. So I walk close to them, putting my left arm at his arm and my right arm at this old woman’s arm to support both of them. He was surprise, and then he smile both relief and happy. We left that old woman at the hospital. A few second after it just us, I wake up. (Thank God!)

I don’t wanna indulge the feeling of sympathy that I have. But sometimes I can’t be wise and ignore, I can’t be wise and let go. It maybe a form of kindness but it’s too much that makes it a weakness. Sigh~~~ I”m still living like a candle, or so it seems..