January 2013, I vaguely remember which day was it. I dont want to remember. whatever was said, I wish go forget. whatever I heard, I wish to pretend in never happen. I cried a lot because of you. I havent cry like that for a long times. No, it was never that painful.
It was heartbreaking, to the point I wish to die. It was hurting, so much, that not even tears could heal it. And I might have change, for better or worse. I might have hide more, or show too much. Whichever it is, I dont really care. It might felt unfair, well, welcome to life. What was I expecting? I forget how to be me for months. My bad, eh.
So remember, expect nothing, yearn after nobody. Never get close. Carefully avoid any bond. I can live just fine by myself, and will always be. Never feel, just ignore what it feels. You can create fitri again. You can create her again countless times, so keep on working. You are almost there.
..if you hate mirror, just dont look.
..if you hate the girl that you see, just close your eyes.
..even if she is scary, she have no obligation to not be.
..she is you, if you hate her fitri, just close your eyes. Close your ears, close your heart. Do not hear, do not feel. Only then will she become perfect. You do not have to like her, my creation do not like you that much either. As long as that one person recognize her, I di not care if you hate her. After all, you hating yourself fitri, is something you’ve been living with, for your whole life.
So january 2013, I might dislike you. But you can never beat August 1989. You know what? If that certain day on august just doesnt exist, I wont have to work this much.