Sometimes when I just dozing around, I imagine myself as a white dove. Funny right? If anything, I’m more like a black bird – a raven, so to say. But this white dove who acted as me is caged, it’s feet are chained. And then the owner just left the cage door half-open. So let say if I manage somehow to freed feet, I will never be able to squeeze myself out of the cage without damaging part of my body. Tough luck huh? The door is just half open.

To make it even harsher for me. This so called owner of mine, put this cage in a dark room with just one window made of glass. So no matter what, I get to see the world outside. Maybe it’s more like I can’t close my eyes of looking at the world outside even if I wanted to.

That’s why it’s cruel. That window keeps on saying: “Hey! It’s a beautiful day. Let’s play outside!”. But then I realize that I’m locked in a room and that window is made of glass, I can’t break it. Wait, I’m in a cage, locked in a room. Wait, I’m chained in a cage, locked in a room. Well, if only I can take the pain of breaking my legs just so I can free myself from these chain. If only my wings won’t be the part o my body that will damage after that – damaged by squeezing myself out from that tiny door. If only I’m somehow strong enough to break the made-of-glass window afterward..

But it’s not the pain that I can’t stand. It’s killing the desire for freedom that makes me in pain. This owner of mine, would have no problem to break my wings if it would make me stay. Unfortunately, I just can’t stand her tears. So here I am, welcoming every pain just so I can stop the tears.

…there are days, days when I just want to threw my life away..What should I say, it just hurts so much you see..?

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