God, my ability to be angry or annoyed, my ability to hurt other, please erase it. You can take it away. That way, things wont be any easier for me, but at least I can protect those who are precious for me. I may love myself even less to the point of not loving at all. But it doesn’t matter, I don’t really care anymore..

Even when I say that, I can’t help but have this heavy feeling. If that were to happen, then what will become of me..? If not even me care about myself, who will? If I completely turn back on me, then who will save me..?

That’s why god, please put myself in someone you can trust care. It’s not that your love is not enough, no, that’s not the reason. It’s because I always feel cold and freezing, I need someone’s warmth. He who will get angry for my sake, he who will get sad for my sake, he who will become a fool for my sake. Is it too much of a request..?

Because unless I have someone who are willing to be a fool for me, I.. I will be too pitiful..

I promise I wont ask him to protect me, I will protect him instead. So even if I’m at my end, at least I know that this great man is a very dear person who find me precious. If I were to sacrifice myself for him, at least I know that I am giving up myself for someone that give me the world. If I can protect his happiness, my life is nothing but a small price. Since I am that kind of a person.. can I at least hope for being accepted just once.. once in my life?

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