Evolve! My Nightmare is evolving~ Whoa, Aren’t I lucky? *cry*
This is the second time such a thing happened.
I am not a lucky kid when it comes to dream. ore than 80% of my dream are the bad one. Some of them are bad enough to disturb my daily life just by remembering it, other are bad enough to keep me from sleeping. Out of those, there are typical dream where ghost with vary appearance will approach me while trying to scare me, or hurt me. It was all a dream but the pain is real, that’s why I find them quite disturbing.
Since I used to cry all night because of nightmare, mom taught me a few prayer to keep those nightmare from happening. The thing is, the nightmare always evolve rapidly. If years ago I rarely get any dream instead of having nightmare every time I chant the prayer, the effect started to wear off. In time, no matter how long or how much of prayer I read and say, I would always have a nightmare. That’s when mom told me to read that prayer in my dream whenever I start to get a nightmare.
At first it was confusing. I am well aware that anything happen in my dream is beyond my control. I can never control my act when I am dreaming, then how did she expect me to act on my own – pray in the dream? I thought about it each time I got a nightmare and will go depressed whenever I failed to control myself so I could chant any prayer. Strangely, as I keep on telling myself to do so, I gain control at least over my own lips. I started to be able to read the prayer in my dream. Thanks to that, things got better.
You can call it a spiritual things or religious things, but I always have this dependencies of holy Quran since I was young. There are a few verses that are strong enough to prevent nightmare from happening or to stop a nightmare from progressing any worse. These verses is what I refers as “a prayer”. In my belief, there are being that are invisible in human eyes but live just like us. Some of them are a bad one, those that like to annoys another. I happen to be the type of human that attract them so they took turn to bother me. It amaze me whenever I think of how a bruise really appear or how the pain felt so real whenever they hit me in my dream. Is such a thing possible? Or maybe that’s just my amazing brain making those bruise and pain real since I believe it was real – in my dream?
This is why I need a prayer as my weapon to wake me up every time things started to get dangerous. Dream could be mean a lot of times, if I happened to realize that I was dreaming, when it was a good dream I would wake up right away, but when it’s a bad one I can never wake up no matter what I did. The only things that could wake me up is those prayer. Strangely whenever I try to chant the prayer, it feels like there are a weird force that try to keep me from talking. My lips would feel numb and my tongue can hardly move. It makes reading those prayer hard for me. This is when I have to fight that and read those prayer until it finished. Usually, I would wake up before I finish the prayer. But if I just stop reading the prayer and continue my sleep, the same dream would appear again with a worse damage. That’s why, even if that being let me go while I was reading the prayer (and wake up), I have to continue reading all the prayer so that being wouldn’t haunt me anymore.
It’s a strange phenomenon, isn’t it?
Lately, it’s been twice actually, I didn’t wake up after chanting all of the prayer in my dream. It feels like I’m facing a stronger and smarter one. Sure, they stop bothering me when I started to chant those holy verses but it’s not enough to scare them. All that the prayer could do is making them stay a few meters away from me, or stopping them to bother me at the moment. The nightmare continued, it just they stop harassing me directly. So far, I’ve been safe from any unnecessary pain but it worries me to think that maybe in the near future, all those prayer couldn’t even stop any nightmare.
….what a pain
Truthfully, I didn’t believe in spiritual things. Indonesian people tend to have a silly belief of those ‘ghost’ and some even worship them. I don’t really understand how things work, but some of the worshiper become rich suddenly because of that. Mom on the other hand, hate those kind of things. Our bloodline are those of religious and spiritual people. From my mother side, there are her grandmother that act like a witch (if I could say). From my father side, there are his grand father that well known all over the country as some kind of guru – a great teacher in Islam. I don’t really fancy any of those. Sure, I do believe in god, but I won’t bother about things that sounds or looks spiritual and religious.
(things will get weirder from here on)
I am the grand grand child of a witch and a greatly religious man. It’s like a clash and it feels like they are fighting over me. That’s why my dream always harming me and oddly there would always be something or someone to help whenever I am in a desperate situation. I can see things from my dream that is not very helpful. My family attract those being since she is nosy and always tried to help other who are being posses by them. Those being would mostly be angry and bother us, starting with my second sister since she is the less resistant one. Mom believe that each of us have a partner (that being) by our side that might not care about us at all. Mine are a strong one, that’s why no people can drove them away no matter how much they tried. (I don’t even believe those so-called partner really exist).
It seems that my partner is the child of my great great grandmother’s partner and the child of my great great grandfather’s partner. Oh? Yes, I have a bonus since both of them struggle to have me and no one would let go. There are two of them. *really? how annoying*. Mom believe that my partner are a strong one (but one of them are really naughty), that’s why when there are another being try to harm us, I most likely be protected because my partner are far stronger. Well, in all the weirdness, I am grateful for the protected part. Whenever they come and start to bother my family, I will be the only one that informed where did they settle in our house. This is the great thing about my nightmare, it inform me where exactly those being stay so mom can drove them away. It also inform me if another being trespassing and just make themselves at home in our house – so mom could politely tell them not to do so. In this aspect, you could say that I have a weird ability.
But I don’t even know if it really exist.
Mom keep on telling me that I have talent in spiritual things and I keep on telling her I don’t care. I just want these nightmare series to stop. I want to have a good sleep too. Sometimes it does feels like they are trying to propose to me to be their official partner but I just ignore it. It can be that those are merely my imagination right?
Ah, I’ve write too much.
Anyway, my point is that my Nightmare evolve rapidly. Even if it might be just my brain got more creative, I hate this kind of creativity.
I WANT A GOOD SLEEP.