, , , , , , , ,

Ever have a dream when you are of soaking under the rain..?
..it means you are in a great sadness

A dream where I soak under the rain bound to be an annoying one. One where I feel depressed, one where I feel abandoned, one where I feel sinful just for the fact that I exist. If I can help it, I’d rather not have one. I like the rain actually. I’ve never really fancy an umbrella so I play with those gentle tears a lot. Even my close friend imagine very clearly how I would walk calmly under the rain while couples of eyes would find me weird for ignoring the rain.

This time, I was having a dream where I am forced to go to my middle school again. Whatever the reason might be, I just chose to follow their wish and just go with it. Unfortunately I got no pocket money, nor did I allowed to earn any money either. That leave me with no choice but walk 20 km everyday going and leaving the school. Since I like walking, it doesn’t really matter to me that I have to walk that much. All I care is that I do things that to prevent them from being disappointed at me.

There is this day where the sky are dark and I can’t see the sun. I was on my way home when I suddenly stop to fix the position of my bag since my shoulder started to feel tired. Things happened, I don’t understand why. The bag on my shoulder suddenly become so heavy that I can’t bring myself to stand up properly. I tried so hard but no matter how much I tried, I end up on my knees. So I drag my feet back home, under the rain while walking on my knees. Each second, the closer our house is, the heavier the bag become. It doesn’t take a long time when I end up crawling on the road. I no longer care about the mud on the road, I just wanna go back home.

When it was a few meters away from the gate, I saw mom searching my little sister. She was nagging about how my sissy is so stubborn and never listen to her. Afraid that she would find me embarrassing, I use every last bit of my energy to stand up properly. But you know what? She doesn’t even see me. The daughter who look so worn out, wet and dirty under the rain, she doesn’t even recognize me. She was right in front of me, but she can’t see me. It feels like I doesn’t even exist. She was frantically searching for the stubborn daughter, but she doesn’t even bother to worry about her worn out daughter who are dying trying to fulfill her every expectation. And then I praise god for waking me up.

I really praise God for not letting the dream continued. But I still feel very annoyed for that dream to happen on the first place..