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Why make everything complicated, you worry & you see only the worst case scenario, instead of keeping it simple and positive” – F.S.F.K
(a status update by a friend on facebook)

A good point indeed.
Why you no stay simple?
Why you no stay true?

I believe each of us hate to complicate things. Despite hating it, it’s hard to avoid being one. Admit it, there are someone out there who find you complicated, No? We are troubled by someone and question them for being so complicated while not realizing that we are acting the same. Oh, Life..

Before I start to point my finger, I’ll confess first. Yes, I am one of those people who others find complicated. There was a grafology test where a professional conclude your personality through your signature and it’s scarily right on the mark! Ah, just in case you are curious about the test result, I’ll write it down.

This is what my signature look like:
2014-03-15 20.40.51

And this is the test result:

  • Too much contradiction inside.
  • Strong interest in art.
  • Difficult way of thinking -> way too difficult.
  • No sign of desire to be understood.
  • Have many regrets in the past.
  • On your way of finding your true self.
  • Melancholy.
  • Sensitive.
  • Strongly symbolic, Introvert.
  • Agressive, ambitious.
  • There are problems that are being kept hidden.

Note: Please learn to be more open about yourself.

Look at the third point, a professional in psychology just declare that I am a very complicated person, plus an introvert to boot. Who am I to talk about simplicity? Well, should I end this post here then? After I finally manage to get in the mood of writing? Not happening. LOL

If you ask me, I honestly don’t find myself complicated. No, seriously, not complicated whatsoever. If we have to phrase my action, I would chose the word “too careful“(without the word too). Let me show you a simple example. If there are a chained reaction from A to D and I hate it when things come to D, I’ll prevent it from happening. While maybe most of the you would stop yourself at C, I’ll stop myself at A. Better not start it if you’re going to quit in the middle of it. It might sound wise(?) but the truth is I’m just afraid that I wont be able to stop myself at C. I have no confidence.

In the status update I mention on the first paragraph, I wrote down some comment. One of it was: “Because simplicity is a luxury that not everyone can afford?”. Well that pose a certain question, doesn’t it? Why is simplicity a luxury? Well, don’t we have a perfect example here? Look at me, wounded, full of regret, introvert, very complicated (says the psychologist) and have no desire to be understood either. How can anyone understand me? If I were to face such a person, I would give up the idea of ever understand her right away. Yeah, I’m not really fond of my personality you see.

I wrote a follow-up comment. “I believe, as we grow up, we find more things that we find precious. That’s why it’s hard to keep things simple”. Well, that was me acting all wise and mature. But that was the safest sentence I can come up with preventing any debate that might happening. Let me pose a question. If you are the oldest child, had to live separated from your parent, being betrayed by your own relative just because your parent is not around, what will you do? First choice, you can act like a kid on a rebellion age and bring troubles to those who betray you. You will got angry and openly hate them. Your parent might never understand about your rage and even scold you for that. Second choice, you can smile and bear with it, learn to forget things (fail) and accept it sincerely when they mistreat you. You’ll grow up piling those rage and sadness and become a walking bomb. In time you’ll explode, you’ll break, you’ll never be the same.

When you are small, things are simple. You can easily take the first choice without consideration. But you grow older and it’s become harder to keep taking the first choice. If you openly show your hatred, what happen if your younger siblings would need their help in the future? Even if you don’t want their help, what if you die before your siblings are old enough to take care of themselves? You can’t be angry at them to make sure they won’t mistreat your family in their need. You want to protect somethings so things get complicated. As for me, I don’t have that long of list when it comes to things I find precious. It just happened that each one on my list cost a lot. One of it, makes me give up on being happy, another one makes me gave up on caring about myself, and the other one makes me stop caring if anyone ever understand how far I’ve sacrifice myself.

You see? It’s not that I don’t want to be simple and act like an open book, I just can’t. Everyone have their own share of pain and those pain drive the word “simple” out of their life. If by any chances you manage to stay simple, congratulation. Either life is going easy on you, or you manage to overcome the hurdles on your life. You are either lucky or amazing. It would be nice though, if you can stop forcing other to be as simple as you want them to be.. Well, can you stand in their shoes and walk as far as they are?

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