“Click”
..and it’s finally locked.

It has never been easy for those who come before, trying to fit in, forcing themselves into a room with a half-opened door. If it is not meant to be opened, it should’ve been closed and locked. If it is meant to be a room for reserved purpose, then the door should be locked and the key should only be owned by those who are meant to be inside. Like a confused teenager, both the door and the room just could not make up their mind. The room couldn’t decide if it wants someone to live there, so it just left it for the fate to chose its destiny. The door couldn’t bear the responsibility of its decision so it decided not to open nor close itself. Yes? No? None of them could make up their mind.

It would be easier if they just make up their mind. But even to chose between yes or no is a hard things to decide. The door, would keep its weight as to not let any hand move it from its position – not even an inch. So it’s either you fit in, or you don’t. Very selfish and picky, aren’t we? It’s not like the room itself is so beautiful and tempting. It’s not like the door itself is exciting and challenging. So why would anyone bother to struggle inside when there’s no worth in doing it? Even when there was a rare chance where a kind heart try to fit into the room, force themselves to get through the door, why can’t both the room and the door make it easier for those kind heart’s people to stay?

Is it the room’s sin, for it not being comfy enough for those who stay?

Is it the door’s sin, for it not friendly enough to welcome those who come to play?

I’ve tried my best to open as wide as I can, I’ve tried my best to welcome those who come to play. I’m not reserving this room for any special heart, it just none find me worth the struggle. I knew I do not worth that much, not even the room that waited inside. But is it too much if I only let those who have enough will to come in? It’s not like us – me and the room – are strong enough against those disaster that might come. It’s not like we are strong enough to defend against those who’ll make a mess and destroy us. This is the last defense – the final gate so to speak. Is it too much if we ask for some real struggle?

It wasn’t easy for us to hold on until now, was it too much I we only want those who would never harm us to be inside?

—-

If there were any force that are keeping the door opened still, it was a pile of wood made of struggle of love and forced trust. Those woods are never strong to begin with, it just have a very strong will to hang in there. The wood are the only thing that makes it possible for anyone to come in – if it ever happened. But even the strongest metal have it ends, not to mention a fragile pile of wood. Forgive me for only made it this far, but I’ve tried enough and very tired. If it closed, it’s locked. That’s why I barely made it to this point, because I know how hard it would be to open the door back. I have nothing against the world but I’m just not strong enough to hold on against the fate written for me. Forgive me, the struggle ended here.

..maybe you finally decide to open up to me. That it’s enough of hating, that it’s enough of madness and rage. But what can I say, it’s my turn to not open up to you. It may never opened again for you. I didn’t want it to be this way. So don’t blame me. Stop blaming me.”

 

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