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I don’t want you to fix me! I don’t want anyone trying to fix me!!

I bet that word sounds so typical as most of woman tend to say this very word whenever her man try to give her a solution instead of listening to her problem. I bet she’ll says that what she need is to be understood. Am I one of those woman? Well, perhaps. I do not know for sure. What I know is that I am trying not to be one of those woman whom you’ll find annoying. In fact, I tried not to be an annoying person that you just don’t want to have around. Who knows whether my effort are finally paid off?

Although, there are times when I find others are annoying for trying to find fault and say whatever comes to their mind. At that moment, I feel like people are standing high above and looking down on me and my misery while analyzing me like I’m some kind of lab’s rat. It is good to be thoughtful and having a good will to pull me up. What troubles me are the form of their help. Even though I understand quite well that people have tendencies to fix other, it still bother me when they did it way too much. Reason?

You see, there are stories behind every story. There are reasons why queen mother poisons snow white for being more beautiful than her. There are reason why the queen mother want to be the most beautiful herself. There are also reasons as of why the magical mirror exist. There are reasons too for why the queen mother believe in that mirror’s words. In fact, there are reason for every evil doing that each villain of the story done. They were all victims. It just they simply become too extreme. But was it all their fault? Did hey got the choice not to went what they’ve been trough so they wouldn’t broke so bad?

I think, everyone actually want to be fixed. The problem is, they need the person who did the fixing to actually understand everything before changing anything within them. That is the hard part. Unfortunately, not everyone have what it takes to cast their own ego and actually listening. In the mid way, they tend to find the story is offensive. Instead of listening, they’ll got angry at the victim for making the one who listen to the story seems like they knew nothing about hardship. In the end, it’s the victim who has to console the listener instead and explain that it’s never his/her intention to do so. Isn’t it weird? When the victim is burdened by the responsibility to talk but have to be careful with his/her words, wouldn’t that be very tiring? If i hardly ever talk, that is mostly why. People are tiring, they demand me to talk, yet they demand me not to say any words that might have a hint that I am looking down on them. Well, that’s it. I’d rather not talk at all than having to deal with their mess too.

Truth to be told, I believe there are a lot other who seems to think the way I do. They seem to not talk much about their story and sometimes misjudge for that. Whenever they show the sign of exhaustion and wanting to give up, people will ask: “don’t you want to be happy?“. Isn’t that silly? Regardless of whether they knew about happiness or knot, it’s a common knowledge that happiness is a good thing. Why would anyone not want them. Unfortunately, for some people, what is given, is something they have to struggle for. Isn’t it natural if they find it too much and just want to let go?

I remember that there is a question about is there anything in your childhood that you ever desire and yet to have. Some answer and some just say something along: “nothing much, I’ve never wish for anything during my childhood“. To that very person, if I say that it’s a luxury not to wish for anything when you were small, they’ll find it offensive. You see, some child long for something, because they have desire that is not fulfilled. While some child are given things before they come to the phase where they start to want something, some other are in situation where they have to endure since their wish wouldn’t come true.

People don’t get to chose what they want to become, life paint them to be who they ended up to be. Although people tried to be their ideal, it’s harder for some compare to other. They don’t want to have a black personality. They have stories for that. If they refuse to explain, maybe you are just the kind of person that is too much for them. That is all there is to it. It’s not about gender. Sad people are sad. Some chose to show and others don’t. It’s not about age, but about experience. People who understand would understood but those who don’t just not capable to.

Maybe to some, it’s easy to conclude others. To me, it’s hard. I can’t hate people, I don’t think I ever capable of. No matter how hurtful I felt and no matter how much I seems to hate them, whenever they are in need, I can’t ignore them. If they are around, at most I can only act cold toward them. It’s exactly because I believe that there are stories behind every story that I can’t judge other. In this world, the only one who know those story would be the person himself and God, no? So that’s why, I’ll leave the judgement part to the one that reserve that very right. Can we just leave it at that?

Love,

F

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