How have you been, my long history ex-boyfie who likes to go around and around? For a while, my mind is finally free of you. Normally, in this situation, I would dream of you. If it’s not about you who beg to get together with me, it’s about you who feel bitter and get mad at me for leaving. Or, it could be about you who provided me the feeling of security when my world is crumbling.
How have you been, my dear? How have you been, my world used-to-be? We need to move on to our own life, right? So it’s only right, if I stop dreaming about you even when it’s beyond my control. That also how it should be for you right? It’s only right if you stop thinking about the remnant of our romance. If, I can never be replaced, so is your current girl. She is no me as I am no her. It’s only right if you stop comparing and be freed from my shadow right?
That is why, I am saying Goodbye.
Until not too long ago, in fact, until two month ago, I was still your prisoner – as you are mine. If your feet is still shackled, I am here to break the chain. Goodbye, walk away and don’t ever look back.
Because I finally understand that it is not love which bound me to you. It’s a sense of guilty and the need of attention. How do I know? It’s all thanks to him. Yes, him, my fiance.
He stole my heart, easily, effortlessly.
I can cry easily in front of him. I let him stop my tears and caress me. I let him spoil me and tease me. I let him catch me. When it was us, it never happened, right? That explain everything. It was heavy and painful to be with you. However, it was only you who can provide me the feeling of security – something that I yearn for the most. Now, that changed. Like a mist, those awkward dependencies that I have toward you is fading away. It’s disappearing, as how you started to be erased from my mind.
Are you angry at me? Am I in the wrong for chasing my happiness? For once in my life, I finally meet someone who care about me much more than his own well-being. How can I let that go? Don’t you knew as well, how hard it is for me to accept any form of kindness and happiness? It’s finally easy as easy as breathing, for me to smile. Will you be happy for me? Love, sometimes just never meant to be. Isn’t that why my frozen heart stay frozen until the very end?
It’s not that you are not enough, it’s me who are not enough. I don’t have what it takes to find you enough. So you can blame me, curse me or even scream at me. I will accept it all, and I won’t say a word. I just sincerely wish for you to be free, for you to finally find a place where everything is so easy.
I believe you understand right? That we can never be a mere friend, you do understand, right? I can be your friend, but I can’t cast aside those caring part of me that persist to worry about you. That would be cruel to my man. You can be my friend, but you can’t cast aside the dream where we are side by side as a man and woman who belong to each other. That would be cruel for you and your woman/future woman. That is why, we need to be a total stranger. You do understand that, right?
I pray that god finally give you a peaceful life with a great woman to be by your side.
How are you doing, my exclusive sweet goofy man? Thank you, sincerely, for coming to my life. Were it not for you, I would still be down there drowning in depression. It was cold and I always struggle to breath. My back, my shoulder and my chest are in pain all the time. I used to be constantly feeling choked and having trouble to eat. My gastric is wearing me out and I am noticeably growing weaker. I was in a mess, I might still am.
But thanks to you, I finally remember how to smile. I finally have something to look forward to. You rescued me from drowning and teach me about love. With your endless caring and gentle words, you cure my insecurity, effortlessly. With your endless kindness, you protected me from all those pain. My peaceful day is starting to come back.
Isn’t it a real blessing, to have someone like you coming to my life? I have no idea, what have I done for ever deserving someone as great as you. My shoulder feels lighter and foods are starting to taste better. What kind of magic spell have you cast upon me? Whatever it is, it’s a real miracle. Are you sure about having someone as worn out as me?
Remember that one time when you said that I am one in a million? Well, so are you. It’s funny isn’t it? We both are incapable of seeing our own value but are real good at finding each other precious. What is the probability of a man and a woman, to find each other as the greatest gift in their life? One in a billion perhaps? Or even less? Isn’t it wonderful that those impossible probability is happening in our life? God is really full of mercy toward you and me. Let us thank Allah for the great romance which is about to be written in our future.
Truly, I can’t find the word to tell how thankful I am for having you as my man. There is nothing but tears that can express how thankful I am. For making me smile, for making me laugh, for warming up my frozen heart, Thank you. For coming to my life, for fixing things between me and my parent unconsciously, Thank you. For everything you are, for accepting everything I am, Thank you. For making me your world, for giving yourself entirely to me, Thank you. For every bit of love, for every bit of caring, for every bit of kindness, for lifting my insecurity, Thank you. For finding me enough, for treating me much more precious than any jewel, Thank you.
Thank you for being born.
Thank you for holding on.
Thank you for finding your way to my life.
Thank you for giving me the honor of being your woman.
Thank you for everything.
I can’t thank you enough. Really, Thank you.
Did you know? You are starting to come up in my dream a lot lately. You make me feel loved, you make me feel safe. Did you understand what does it mean when you are showing up in my dream? It means that you mean that much to me.
Even when I refuse to admit it, my heart is finally stolen. You steal my heart, and I feel good about it. Isn’t that amazing?
Hello my man, my fiance, my husband-soon-to-be. I can’t wait to finally be with you.
Your future, Your other half.